#ok technically i could probably figure out my feelings on my own but that would require me to examine them which would make me feel awful

[girl-bateman]

Ohhh.. guys 🥲 remember when I said I didn't particularly feel anything, emotionally, about the whole sex thing ? Well im definitely feeling something about it today and it's very very awful. I kinda wanna puke up my soul and rip off my skin. What's that about, gang? 👎

[discotitsposts]

meant to be

Spencer trying and failing to flirt with you because you are oblivious to his attempts.

spencer reid x reader

i picture this as later seasons spencer maybe sometime around 12-14?

some mature themes mentions of sex at the end so 18+

writing this because i saw something about people who are bad at flirting and that’s literally me. (i hope ppl get the reference w the nickname)

Spencer had tried every day to get your attention romantically. It didn’t work. Nothing did. You were so oblivious to all of his flirting attempts. He figured maybe you had trouble understanding so he worked harder to make you think of him as more than a friend. He tried everything his genius brain could come up with.

He even made up a nickname for you, Bean, because you always had a coffee in your hand, and because he was taller than you.

Today you were getting coffee with him as usual. At your favorite coffee shop and library. You didn’t work at the BAU so you would eventually have to go to your own job so Spencer decided to try again.

Since you lived in the same building, neighbors in the same hall, he picked you up every morning. Drove you to get coffee and you each picked a book for each other and then he drove you to work.

He knocks on your door awaiting anxiously. You come out in your outfit, just a t shirt and jeans. you didn’t have a dress code at your job, you were an author and usually went into a nice office that the publishing company provided to write since you had a hard time focusing in your apartment. Too many distractions.

In Spencer’s car you make small talk as he tries to think of a way to flirt with you. Normally he’d call Morgan but his son was a toddler now so he was busy. He gets so lost in his head he doesn’t realize he just ran a stop sign on accident and almost hit someone.

He hears you yell “Spencer what the fuck!” and slams the brakes. The other car honks and his heart is pounding in his brain. He pulls to the side of the road and stops.

“Spencer. Breathe. It’s ok.” You worry tracing your face at the sight of his extremely fast breathing and you rub his back reassuringly.

“Holy shit.” He barely chokes out. His face is beet red and he looks like he’s about to have a panic attack.

“Switch.” You tell him. He looks at you and feels comforted immediately by your face. “Let’s go, switch.” You get out of the car and switch sides.

‘So much for flirting’ he thinks. Then it hits him. When he picks your book for the day, he’ll give you a romantic story. Something that says ‘I really like you but I’m an idiot so I don’t know how to tell you but i’m not actually an idiot because im technically a genius but my fucked up life has ruined romance for me but i’d love to try it with you if you are okay with that.’

When you take over driving you don’t talk. You just focus on the road. You had even turned the music off. He hopes you’re not upset with him. That thought quickly dissipates when you pull into the parking lot and your face is beaming. You both race to the entrance and he gets there first and opens the door for you. You stick your tongue out at him and he smirks.

You order your usual drinks and he gets himself a breakfast bagel and you get a croissant. He puts the food at a table and you both get up to grab each other a book. You had yours picked since last night, The Godfather. It’s only a little over 400 pages so he’ll probably finish it by lunch time but at least it will be fun for him since it will make him think of you. At least you hope it does.

You have a habit of making funny commentary during movie nights. When you watched ‘The Godfather’ trilogy with Spencer he had laughed so hard he cried.

Meanwhile Spencer is searching rows of books looking for the right one. He moves to poetry but nothing feels right. He feels slightly frustrated so he moves back to classics and picks ‘A Little Princess’ instead. A favorite of yours you had read in elementary school. Not romantic but shows he knows you well.

When he makes his way back to the register to check the book out, you’re already seated munching your croissant. He makes his way to you and hides the book behind his back. You discreetly pull yours out of your bag and hide it the same way.

“1,2,3!” You both count at the same time and then reveal your books. Spencer cracks up when he sees the book you had picked. He had read this before but he enjoyed it because it reminded him of you. You both eat and finish your coffees. You look at each other.

“More?” Spencer asks.

“Obviously.” You answer. You both stand up and order more coffee.

Back in Spencer’s car you open the book and start reading. He’s about to put the key in the ignition when sudden confidence hits him. He doesn’t know if it’s the caffeine but he doesn’t care. He should kiss you right now. He stares at you until you look up.

“You’re going to be late for work if you don’t start that engine up soon Mr. Chauffeur.” You tease him.

He leans closer and puckers his lips slightly. He’s so filled with lust he just can’t wait anymore.

You look at him strangely. Was he trying to kiss you right now? Probably not. Truth was you were always so filled with doubt whenever you liked someone. Especially Spencer. He was just too handsome and sweet and perfect.

He leans in even closer to you and tilts his head. You, however, had gone back to your book and weren’t even looking at him.

“Does this make you uncomfortable” Spencer leans in closer. He closes his eyes and you lean down to reach for something from your bag. He doesn’t feel your soft lips on his and thinks he may have missed your face. He opens his eyes.

“Everything does. I have anxiety Spencer. All the time anywhere day and night. ” You reply while eating a yogurt you had found in your tote.

Spencer pulls away and smacks his forehead. He starts the car and drops you at your work and drives to the BAU feeling defeated. What would it take for you to realize how bad he wants you.

That night he decides to drop by your apartment. You had gotten a ride home from work by a friend tonight. He opens his door and walks the short distance to yours.

When his hand knocks on your door he feels nervous. You open the door and greet him.

“Hi!” You cheer.

“Hey, I was gonna order a pizza. You want?” He lies. He actually wasn’t the biggest fan of pizza. He didn’t eat it too often but it was your favorite food so why not.

“That would be great. I’m starving.” You clutch your belly dramatically. Which makes Spencer laugh.

He picks up the phone, “What would you like on the pizza m’lady.”

You tap your chin and think. “Sausage.” You reply. Spencer thinks of a way to flirt. Kind of.

“How much sausage would you like?” He asks smirking.

“Uhh, 5? I don’t know dude. The normal amount that goes on a pizza?” You answer sarcastically, going to your dvd rack to pick a movie. Spencer sighs. He calls and places the order and helps you pick a movie.

“How about ‘How To Be A Serial Killer?’ That’s a good one. I love Matthew Gray Gubler in this one so much.” You fan girl a little.

“Who the fuck is Matthew Gray Gubler? Also, no, not with my line of work. I need a break from that.” Spencer asks with a hint of jealousy in his voice. You clasp your hand over your heart dramatically.

“Ok, fine. how about a Disney Classic? Sleeping Beauty is my favorite.” You ask. Spencer nods. You put the movie on and grab two root beers from your fridge. Spencer thanks you when you hand him one and you lay a big fluffy blanket over you both. Not far into the movie the pizza arrives and you cheers Spencer with your pizza slice.

After you both eat and are full the movie is still on. You’re starting to feel sleepier by the second. Spencer offers you to lay with him and you take him up on it. He’s basically a giant teddy bear. He’s so warm and comfortable.

“I’ve got a real life sleeping beauty right here.” He whispers to you. You smile with your eyes closed. Too sleepy to open. He gets out from under you, to your dismay. He cleans up the trash from eating. He even washes some dishes you had left sitting. When he comes back, you’re still half awake. He sees you sneak an eye open to look at him and your smile after.

“It seems there’s a fair maiden who has fallen asleep. However can we wake her? What if she sleeps for a hundred years?!” He exclaims. You start giggling softly. He leans closer to observe you.

“I don’t believe it! She’s laughing in her sleep! Must be quite a funny dream. Wonder what it is. Only one way to find out.” He gently leans down and kisses your lips softly. This action puts you in shock and you’re blushing. He starts to pull away because doubts fill his mind. You grab his hair and pull him back in.

You both pull back and he starts to ask you,

“Were you ok with that?”

You cut him off, “Yes.” Then you rip your shirt off. Spencer’s in shock. He follows your lead and starts undressing. He picks you up and carries you to your bedroom. The kiss you’re sharing is deepening by the second.

“Fuck why is it so hot in here.” You complain.

“I can think of a few reasons.” Spencer had been kissing you on your neck sucking the skin softly. He lays you back on the bed. He makes you comfortable. He goes down on you and then fucks you like you’ve never been fucked before.

The next morning you woke up naked next to him flashes of last night replaying. You couldn’t believe it. Spencer was so passionate! You didn’t even imagine he liked you like that.

He groans next to you and turns over. You get up and put on some coffee. When you come back into the bedroom he’s awake and looking for you.

“Hey, coffee’s ready.” You lean over and kiss him. He groans too tired to give an answer. He pulls you into the bed and holds you longer.

With him, this felt so easy and realistic.

Then you realize something.

This was meant to be.

the end ♡

to anyone who read this far: hope u enjoyed reading!! please let me know if u enjoyed! xoxo

[a-memory-a-distant-echo]

ok, i'm being so brave and making the rec post that i told anon i would do like three days ago.

the obligatory caveats. this is not comprehensive—i haven't read all the fic in this fandom, and i've barely looked at anything not in english. my reading habits are pretty broad—i'll read almost any pairing, and am generally willing to suspend my disbelief to do so. i am not usually an au person, though this fandom is doing its absolute damndest to prove me wrong on that point.

also i have…more…fics that i felt i should rec somewhere, so probably this is rec post one, but ten felt like enough and also saying things in public where people can hear me is, it turns out, absolutely excruciating. please no one be mean to me about this post, especially if you wrote one of these fics, because if you are i will simply fill my pockets with rocks and take to the sea, ok? ok.

excited to find out what i manage to do that ruins the formatting, links the wrong fics and/or people, or otherwise breaks things in this post. please tell me if i've fucked up, or if your fic is on this list and you would rather i keep your name out of my mouth, or whatever.

first, a very special mention to the mlc reference guide by @yletylyf. this is such an incredibly comprehensive and generous resource. you want a timeline for this show that does an incredibly poor job of maintaining its own timeline? it's here. you want episode summaries? they're here. you want all the people and places? they're here. if you're writing fic, you want this guide, because it's so much easier and faster than scanning episodes or subs files to figure out the name of one specific guy or whatever. it also means that at least occasionally you work on the thing rather than accidentally rewatching the same scene five times, or hypothetically watching two to four episodes without even really thinking about what you're doing. the reference guide is the unsung mvp of fandom.

beyond porch and portal, difanghua, teen, by willowdream. this is the vampire au that i didn't know i wanted? the author posted it and their note was like 'i'm trying to be the change i want to see in the world,' and i was like ok sure, i'm not really convinced that the change i need is vampire aus, but i'll give it a go, and then i did and was like, oh shit, i'm eating fucking glass about this vampire au, i'm chewing on my own fucking fingers, i'm so fucking normal about this, i need another hundred thousand words of this and also seventeen more vampire aus in my inbox by monday morning. i literally finished reading it and scrolled right back to the top to read it again. i have no idea why this fic hits so hard, but it took me out at the knees. the voices are perfect. something about it is just impossibly compelling.

不安的遠離，再无歸期 | restless distance, without return, fang duobing/qiao wanmian, mature and teen, by @difeisheng. this is technically two fics but they're short and you should read both of them because they're such a brutal, perfect encapsulation of grief, and a really beautiful acknowledgement of the ways that fang duobing and qiao wanmian can be read as reflections of each other, separated by a decade, and it just fucking guts me. i dunno. it's about the grief! it's about the yearning! it's about someone who understands parts of you that you wish didn't exist! i think i've reread this like once a week for the last six weeks and i feel like it gets overlooked because it's not A Ship but like. it could be. it should be.

dance the silence down, fanghua and feihua, explicit, by @momosandlemonsoda. this fic. ugh. ok. i'm breaking my own rules. i had two when i started writing this post: no works in progress, and no reccing things that i haven't left a comment on, like a goddamn grownup. this one fic is breaking both of those rules and i feel bad about it and will hopefully spend like, all day tomorrow just commenting on every chapter or something, but i have to do this. this fic is so good. this fic ruins me. this fic is 63k, still a work in progress, and also if i were losing the whole internet tomorrow and i got to keep one fic in all the world and it was the only fic i could have for the rest of time, it might have to be this one, even as a work in progress. i ignored this fic for so long—by which i mean probably two of the four months since i first watched mysterious lotus casebook—because i was like, i don't like aus, and i especially don't like rock star aus. (or sex work aus, and you're never gonna fucking believe what else this author is writing and what else i absolutely cannot get enough of—this is a sneaky bonus rec for all i wanna do is wrong, another fic that i feel so so so normal about!) but then i was like okkkkkkk but. maybe i'll try it. people seem to be nuts for it. and then i read it and i was like OH HOLY SHIT PEOPLE ARE FULLY CORRECT TO BE ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED ABOUT THIS and normally, honestly, i wouldn't bother posting a rec like this because it's like 'oh haha have you read the five most popular fics in this fandom?' and it feels so redundant, but i know for a fact that a friend of mine who finished watching the show yesterday is reading this post, and even if everyone else has read it, she has not! anyhow as a former music person and a former diner cook, this fic like. i don't know. i feel like it broke me but also fixed me? i literally criticise writing professionally and every time i try to talk about this fic i find myself speechless because it's so perfect to me. i am deeply unwell about this fic. every time a new chapter comes out i sit down and read the whole thing again, yes, all sixty-thousand-plus words of it. some nights you go to bed and you're like 'what's the fucking point?' and then you're like 'no wait, there will eventually be more of dance the silence down,' and somehow that makes things suck a tiny bit less. my wife has made me take out like six sentences from this rec because they're too intense and too weird about it but i need you to understand: you have to read this fic.

in this dream, there is a lover to share this life with, fanghua, g, by @lianhuajing. alternative ending for the end of episode 27, in which li lianhua—precious man who has yet to discover a hill he's not willing to die on—apologises to fang duobing the only way he knows how, and it's wildly upsetting for everyone (but it's ok and it doesn't end miserably, no one panic). this is a delightfully angsty treat, and i love how conflicted fang duobing is in it—i feel like it's not something that i've seen explored a lot, but this poor boy really fuckin goes through it—his best friend and his childhood idol are the same person but are lying to him about it, and his dad's not actually his father and has been lying to him about it, and his best friend/childhood idol may have killed his father, and—yeah, is lying to him about it. like? someone give this poor man a hug and a cup of tea and a snack and a blankie. i love that we get to see some of his internal conflict in this.

quintessence of dust, feihua, teen, by justthereforit. this plays with one of my very most favourite tropes in the world, which is the one where the heart is a physical object and a physical form of trust and control and surrender and—like. this is so good. it's set in episode 13, which is, for me, one of the absolute peak angst points, and it absolutely nails it. di feisheng who's upset and vulnerable and frustrated and angry, li lianhua who knows he's going to die and can't bear the thought that he's going to take anyone else down with him, and they're both just so fucked up. chef kiss. i love it when everyone is emotionally wrecked and continually like 'ok no, i can take one more knife in my soul to protect someone else', and this absolutely delivers on that.

under moonlight, we change our futures yet again, feihua, explicit, by @thesilversun. the wedding room! obviously we have to have a wedding room fic, right? i'm not going to lie: i'm willing to suspend a lot of disbelief for wedding room fics, but in this one, it's actually a wonderfully, horrifyingly plausible setup. it walks a really fine line of keeping people in character, and acknowledging the inherent horror and seriousness of the situation, and also providing some desperately hot sex, and also managing to get the emotional beats of it, too. it has a sequel, which imo really has to be read as the conclusion to this fic, and it's just as good. it's possible that some of what i'm saying here is 'i love vulnerable-inside crusty-outside di feisheng' but like. i do. i love it so much.

what's sealed away, feihua, teen, by @bbcphile. AMNESIA FIC yessssss, a-fei my beloved, fics that handle brain damage/memory issues/amnesia well my beloveddddd. i love the a-fei arc, but i also have had a number of brain injuries and some other stuff that means that my own memory is…not so great, so i sometimes really struggle with how often amnesia in fiction is played off either as nothing to worry about or as a funny thing where everyone's in on the joke except the person who has amnesia. this fic is a great and sometimes very visceral exploration of a horrifying experience, and a really fantastic study of a-fei/di feisheng as a character, as well as the relationship that he has with li lianhua. a-fei trying to balance the trust he has in the sense memory of his body with his understanding of his relationship with li lianhua with li lianhua's reaction to—everything, really—is really well done and wonderful/terrible to read.

我只愿面朝大海 | i wish only to face the sea, g, by foreverstudent. ok so you wanna fuck yourself up some more? go read this. this is canon divergence from episode 39, and fang duobing has learned too well the lessons he's been taught, and sees the shape of things before li lianhua ever touches the wangchuan flower—so he sets about making sure that he won't be able to throw it away. this is agonising and gorgeous and maintains the canon relationships while developing the narrative differently. i wept literal tears. i was like 'ok that's it the worst part is over!' and then i remembered that there was another part coming and then i started crying. anyhow, it is—as ever, with me—about the devotion.

我住長江頭, 君住長江尾 -- i live upstream, you live downstream, fanghua, teen, by @rimbaudofficial. ok so this is Not a fic that i should like, because i am a massive academic failure and despite being in my forties have regular nightmares about having to re-engage with academia for like. any reason. HOWEVER. as noted, i read indiscriminately, even when i'm like 'reading this is a terrible idea and will be upsetting for me personally!', so i was like 'well, how bad of an idea can it possibly be?' and then instead! it was. incredibly charming? it was so fucking cute? the fang duobing characterisation in this is somehow just perfect to me—he's simultaneously confident and vulnerable, and also just so deeply committed to the weird clueless guy who he's decided is meant for him. di feisheng and li lianhua have a perfect weird-bros friendship. i would read another ten chapters of this and i would love it.

[bogleech]

Ok but I have seen you talk about this so many times, even referencing it in your old cartoons, so I gotta ask - when and how did you fall in love with neopets, like that?

Wait, is it that obscure now? I didn't know a single person from its inception to roughly 2010 who didn't have a neopets account. It was the single biggest gaming-esque name on the internet for years. Celebrities casually mentioned playing it, it got mainstream marketing tie-ins, it had plush toys people waited in line to buy up and a TCG made by the same company as Magic the Gathering. It's not that I especially "fell in love with neopets" like it's a niche thing but that there was a time it was almost outselling Pokemon, so it's just another huge cultural phenomenon that was a big part of everyone's lives during my teens to twenties, and hits my special interest in creature design since it has THOUSANDS (beyond the pets alone) ranging in quality from extremely creative to just plain heinous. I personally only got invested in it when they introduced the mutant pets, though, because it started out having almost like a "rule" against making any pets that were "ugly." They'd joke about it as a prank for instance, and originally only featured the mutants as part of a storyline they never intended players to actually adopt. They even had a fake alternate version of the site with fake "adoptions coming soon" and somehow didn't anticipate the userbase genuinely wanting the slime creatures.

The Chia and Aisha were my favorites but mainly the chia because that kind of "scuzzy" creature was already my own design aesthetic, polar opposite of the site's established style and reminded me of if Jeff Goldblum got fused with a tardigrade instead of a fly:

Is that just me? I feel like the tardigrade similarity jumps right out but I think it was an accident and they were possibly actually thinking of the rotting giant from Nausicaa:

The fact that they intended its design to be unlovably ugly and were surprised anyone wanted it only made it more sympathetic. Eventually they made mutants available and I got fully invested into playing, at the time having to spend hours a day on their little flash games until I could afford a mutant after months of labor. But then a couple of years later they just abruptly decided they really didn't feel like having its design around anymore and "updated" it, which back then was automatic for all pets owned by all players with no going back:

It had unfortunately been fairly common that they'd just completely, totally redo a pet like this with no warning and no user poll to make sure it's what anyone wanted. You just had to pray they never did it to your favorites.

All the other mutants in that earlier image would also get completely changed or never released at all. They still kept some of the other "gross" mutants and would make even grosser, so that wasn't even part of the reasoning. Just the random whims of mad gods I guess. I think what killed the game for a lot of people was actually when they did this to basically everyone at once, standardizing almost all the pet artwork so they could wear clothes in their new dressup system. It wasn't as drastic as replacing a sludge guy with some kind of hairy leaf guy but it did eliminate hundreds of technically unique designs from the site, and I found someone else's examples they put together so I thankfully don't have to do it myself:

If anyone's not familiar enough with neopets or didn't figure that out from the last paragraph, the ones on the right are just recolors of the same exact art as all members of their species with added accessories (now wearable items) Players used to work hard to get pets they wanted based on their unique poses and personality, but you could only keep the original art for a small number of these. The customization feature kind of attracted a different new fandom, from what people say, but it never approached a fraction the site's peak, which is probably how the brand wound up getting sold to some NFT bros who aren't even involved in the site itself and supposedly never even spoken to its remaining staff outside some business emails? This is unrelated to the brief period it was bought by scientologists and the siterunners had to fight back against their propaganda leaking into it. I really didn't expect to turn this response into a mini article, I should really just make a thing on bogleech.com about it sometime. Some of my tumblr mutuals to this day are people I met through the neopets fandom and probably have equally lengthy memories/complaints.

[gunilslaugh]

Truth Potion

Kim Jungsu Summary: Your secret crush on Jungsu was going just fine. That is until your best friend gave you a truth potion. (non-idol au) WC:~1.7k  Warning:none

photo not mine credits to owner.

“Y/n please? We have a test coming up. I need to make sure I made it right,” your best friend begged you. 

“That’s why I don’t want to. The last time I took one of your potions my tongue, hair and nails turned blue,” you reminded. 

“I already apologized for that! I made a mistake while reading the ingredients, but I promise this time I triple checked everything. It should be safe,” they tell you. 

“Yeah should. If it’s safe then you take it,” you argued. 

“I can’t,” they said. 

“Why? Are you hiding a lot of secrets?” You teasingly raised one of your brows. 

“No, I-I have to document the effects so-”

“So wouldn’t it make more sense for you to take it? I’m a very honest person anyway, so it doesn’t make sense for me to take a truth potion anyway,” you pointed out. 

“Y/n can you please just take it? I’ll owe you one. Please?” They clasped their hands together and pleaded. You let out a sigh. 

“Fine, but I swear if something happens you’re in for it, understand?” you threatened. 

“I’ll take full responsibility. Now enjoy.” They smiled, handing you the small vile. You take a skeptical look at the liquid in the vile. “Please?” your best friend begged again. You carefully take the vile from their hand. Closing your eyes as you swallow the liquid inside. A cough emits from you after you swallow the sour liquid. 

“Are you sure you made that right? Why was it so sour?” you asked, wiping your mouth. 

“I told you I triple checked everything,” they state. “So did it work?” they followed up. 

“How am I supposed to know? Ask me something?” you say.

“Right, ok umm….” they trail off as they try to think of a question to ask you. “Ooh!” “You’re the one who ate my cookies right? Jiseok was just covering for you,” they accused you. Your lips drew into a line. You sit silently for a few moments before answering.

“Well, technically Jiseok and I ate them together, so he wasn’t really just covering for me. He did eat them,” you reveal. 

“But you did too!” their voice rose. 

“Yeah, I did too,” you admitted. Safe to say the truth potion worked. 

“How could you?” they dramatically asked. 

“As if you haven’t eaten my snacks before. Stop being dramatic. I bought you more anyway,” you said. “Are you happy? The truth potion works,” you added. 

“Oh I’m very happy. Thank you for your service,” your best friend thanked you. 

Everything seemed like it would be ok. You weren’t feeling any weird side effects of the potion. You figured that the truth potion would wear off in a couple of hours.

However that was unfortunately not the case. When you woke up the next morning to discover that the truth potion you took was very much still effective. 

“Y/f/n what did you do? It should have worn off a long time ago,” you complained. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong either. I swear I did everything right,” they declared. 

“Show me the recipe you used,” you demanded. Y/f/n pulls out their notebook to show you the recipe they used. 

“This one,” they pointed to it. 

“One bottle of lemongrass? Y/f/n that can’t be right. It’s way too much,” you say. “No wonder it was so sour,” you sighed. You pulled out your own notebook and flipped through the pages till you found the truth potion. Another sigh escapes you. “It’s supposed to be three strands!” you pointed to the writing in your notebook. 

“Crap! I’m so sorry y/n. Let’s go talk to my professor. He probably has a remedy or can at least tell us how long it’ll last,” they murmur the last part. 

“Hey y/n, y/f/n,” Jungsu, Gunil and Seungmin come over to greet you. You can feel your heart rate pick up.

“Hey,” y/f/n smiled. 

“Hey,” you replied with a weak tone. 

“What’s wrong with y/n?” Seungmin asked.

“I gave them a truth potion,” y/f/n answered. 

“Why is that a problem? Did you mess up again? Is their tongue blue again?” Gunil questioned. 

“They put a whole bottle of lemongrass in it,” you exposed. 

“A whole bottle! It’s supposed to be three strands. Are you ok?” Jungsu checked. Looking at you with very concerned eyes. 

“They're fine. It just hasn’t worn off yet. We’re going to talk about it with my professor now,” y/f/n states. 

“Ok, don’t let us keep you then. We’ll see you at lunch,” Jungsu says. 

You and your best friend walked into the potion classroom. 

“Y/f/n what’s up? The professor asked you two, upon walking in. Y/f/n looked at their feet in shame.

“If someone put a whole bottle of lemongrass in a truth potion instead of three strands how long will it last?” you question. 

“A whole bottle?! Y/f/n!” their professor scolded them.

“I’m sorry! How long will it last? Or better yet, do you have a remedy?” 

“There is something that can cure a truth potion, but we don’t keep it on hand,” he says. 

“How soon can you get it?” you asked. 

“I can send someone to go gather it. Come back here at the end of the day,” he tells you.

“Thank you,” you said. You and y/fn bid your goodbyes and leave the classroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So what’s the verdict?” Seungmin asked when the two of you joined them for lunch. 

“There is something that can cure it, but they don’t have it on hand, so my professor sent someone to go get it. They’ll have it by the end of the day,” y/f/n explained. 

“That means we have a fully honest y/n at our dispense till the end of the day?” Jooyeon said mischievously. 

“Leave them alone,” Jungsu scolds him. 

“Why? What could they be hiding anyway? They’re a pretty honest person,” Jiseok chimed in. 

“Exactly they’re honest, so just leave them be. They don’t have any secrets for you to find out,” Jungsu said. 

Oh how you wished that were true, but you did have one very big secret that they could find out about. That secret being your crush on Jungsu. You had done such a good job at keeping it quiet. Your best friend doesn't even know about it. Now the reason why you’ve been keeping quiet about it is because Jungsu only views you as a younger sibling. You recall the day you got sibling zoned very clearly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Jungsu, why are you protective over them? You got a crush on them?” Jooyeon teased. There had been this group of guys that was bothering you. The moment Jungsu caught wind of it he quickly shut it down. 

“What? No. I only see them as a younger sibling. That’s why I’m protective over them,” he justified. His words felt like a jab to your heart and right at that moment you decided that you would never reveal the truth about your feelings towards Jungsu.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is that true y/n? You aren’t keeping any secrets from us?” Jooyeon asked. Crap. You had to think before answering because the “No” you so desperately wanted to say wouldn’t leave your mouth. 

“What would I be hiding?” you chuckled. 

“That took you second. Are you really hiding something?” Jiseok questioned. You let out a panicked laugh. 

“What could I possibly be hiding?” you say.

“You aren’t saying no,” y/f/n comment. “No way! You actually have a secret!” they exclaimed. “I don’t. No I don’t” you so desperately want to say, but you can’t. 

“What is it?” Seungmin questioned. “I like Jungsu” The words sit dangerously close to the tip of your tongue. 

“I don’t have class to get to. Bye bye,” you quickly stood up and began to rush away. 

“Y/n! Wait!” y/f/n called after you. 

“I said to leave them alone. So what if they have a secret? I’m sure we all have some type of secrets.” Jungsu stood up and went to follow you. 

“Y/n wait up,” Jungsu says, jogging up to you. Any other day your heart would have fluttered to have Jungsu being the one that followed you, but today he was the last person you wanted to follow you. “Are you ok?” he asked once he caught up with you.

“Not really,” you chuckled. 

“Hey it’s ok. I said it back there after you left that we all have secrets. We keep them for a reason right?” he said. You nodded. 

“Yeah and I almost said mine. That’s why I left,” you say. 

“How about I tell you a secret?” he prompts. 

“Why would you tell me a secret? You just said we keep them for a reason,” you questioned. 

“I’ve had something that I wanted to tell you for a while,” he informs you. 

“What is it?” you asked. 

“I like you,” he confessed. 

“Huh? B-but you said you only saw me as a younger sibling,” you say. 

“I said that because I wasn’t ready to confess then.” He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “But Jooyeon was right. I’m protective over you because I like you.” 

“I like you too,” you confessed back. 

“Really?” Jungsu said. 

“I can’t exactly lie right now Jungsu,” you reminded. 

“Ah that’s right,” he chuckled with a blush appearing on his cheeks. 

“That’s what my secret was. That I like you. I didn’t want to reveal it because of how you said you only saw me as a younger sibling. I thought it would make things weird between us,” you explained. 

“I’m sorry for lying about that,” he apologizes. 

“There’s no need to apologize. You said you weren’t ready and everything has worked out now.” 

“Yeah, it has.” He grabs your hand in his. “We’re a couple now,” he states. You smile, squeezing his hand back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sorry for about back at lunch. We should have respected your privacy,” your best friend apologizes. You had just taken the antidote for the truth potion. 

“It’s fine. I get that you guys were curious and it all worked out in the end,” you smiled. 

“What worked out?” they asked you.

“You’ll find out soon,” you teased, walking away.

“Hey no. Tell me please?” They chased after you.

“I can't have a date to get ready for,” you shouted out as you gleefully walked away.

taglist: @purplelady85 @gingerjunhan @chewednails @ezlynkisses @mon2sunjinsuver @mxlly143 @seungseung-minmin

[sister-lucifer]

Comfort From a Monster 

Eyeless Jack x Gender Neutral Reader

Genre: Angst, comfort, fluff

A/N: been goin through some stuff lately, so i wrote some fluff about it 

Summary: Your beloved Jack notices that you’re upset, and comforts you the best he can

Content/Warnings: Technically angst, but mostly comfort/fluff, cuddles with Jacky, the reason reader is upset is left vague so please feel free to project /gen, tooth rotting fluff, Jack is non verbal but makes animal noises and it’s CUTE ok

Like my writing? I take requests! NSFW or SFW for any fandoms in my bio (request rules + masterlist in pinned post)!

Also, please reblog! it’s free, takes two seconds, and really helps me out 

Feedback is encouraged and appreciated:)

Not fully proofread! Let me know if you see any errors!

There had been something off about you since the moment your feet hit the floor that day. Jack was freakishly observant and incredibly intuitive; it wasn’t hard for him to pick up on your odd change in attitude. Even the most minuscule things caught his attention. 

You forgot to put on your house shoes when you got out of bed this morning, and it made your footsteps sound weird. You didn’t put back the cereal box after you were done, he had to put it up for you. You left your hairbrush out on the bathroom counter, but you always put it away when you were done. 

Small things. Mundane things. And yet, they piled up like snowflakes coming together to form an avalanche. 

His pointed ears perked up when he heard your bedroom door click shut. 

You never did that. 

Something was very, very wrong. 

Jack’s padded paws were silent on the wood floors of your shared cabin as he slowly approached your room. His tentative ears flicked about in all directions as he listened closely from the opposite side of the door. 

For a very long while there was silence, and for a split second Jack doubted his instincts. Maybe his suspicions were just an overreaction, maybe you were just having an off day… 

Maybe it’s best that he doesn’t bother you. 

Jack shrugs to himself, brushing off his worries. He turns on his heel and is about to walk away when— 

He hears that first little sob. 

It’s so quiet, it’s clear you’re trying to hide it. A sound so meek that only a creature like Jack could hear it. It stops him in his tracks, the only thing that could ever still such a hulking beast. He turns his head back towards the door slowly, all of his senses on high alert. 

The second choked noise is clearer, harder to stifle, loud enough for a nearby human to hear. It only gives way to another cry, and Jack can nearly pinpoint the exact moment you give up on holding back your emotions. Before he even realizes it he’s back at the door, ear pressed to the wood as he listens. There’s a split second where he thinks that maybe, just maybe he can hear your tears falling onto your blankets. 

For a moment he’s at a loss. Emotional support has never been his forte. He’ll gladly fight for you, hunt for you, protect you with his life, but comfort you? 

Even his best attempt would probably do more bad than good for your relationship. 

He ponders for a long few minutes, soundlessly pacing back and forth in front of your door. He hugs himself with a tight grip, claws digging into his upper arms through the fabric of his hoodie. His mind is racing as he wonders what to do. 

Should he simply leave you be? That could backfire easily. He didn’t want you to feel ignored, and he’d feel guilty about just leaving you to suffer on your own. 

But he what if he goes in and tries to help? He’s bound to screw that up. He could just make things awkward, or maybe even make you feel worse. 

How is he supposed to figure out what you need? He’s not a mind reader, and it’s not like he can just walk up and ask you! 

…Oh, he…he actually can do that. 

Jack could kick himself for his stupidity. The answer was staring him in the face. 

And yet, he hesitates when he lifts his fist to the door. He has to shake off that last bit of doubt before he can bring himself to knock. 

The sound makes you jump, and for a second you wonder if you simply imagined it. 

“J…Jack…?” You call out with a rasp. The animalistic chitter from the other side of the door answers your question.

“You can come in, Jack.” 

You quickly wipe your tears as he slowly creaks the door open, as if he’s giving you another chance to change your mind. When you don’t, he carefully shuts the door back behind him before approaching you where you sit snuggled up in countless blankets on your bed. 

A deep sound reverberates quietly in the back of his throat as he crouches by your side, head tilting curiously from side to side. He doesn’t say anything, but you know exactly what he’s asking. 

“I’m okay, Jack. Just some…personal stuff. I’m sorry if I made you worry.” 

Your voice is broken and strained, and it makes Jack’s brows furrow behind his mask. He lets out another inquisitive chitter, but you don’t quite understand this time, and it’s your turn to tilt your head in confusion. Jack’s clawed hands come up to briefly sign: 

‘Wanna talk about it?’ 

You think for a moment, then shake your head. 

“No, Jacky, I don’t think I want to talk about it. I appreciate it, though.” 

He nods, taking in the information and mulling it over a bit before he proposes something else: 

‘Can I touch you? Hug you?’

You scoot over a bit, patting the space on the bed next to you. 

“Yeah, thats okay. C’mon up, Jacky.” 

He quickly crawls in next to you, wrapping his strong arms around your smaller frame. His movements are cautious, slow enough that you could stop him if you wanted to. You don’t, though; you gladly accept the gesture and return the hug. 

Jack pulls you down to him, bringing you to lay down. He tenderly rubs up and down your arms in the most soothing manner he can manage. You sniffle a bit as you cling to his hoodie, tugging on the fabric. The feeling of the worn material against your palms is familiar and comforting in a way that nothing else has ever managed to be. The remaining tears finally fall down your cheeks, and you watch as they soak into the hoodie. 

You don’t realize that Jack has slipped his mask off until he’s purring into the crook of your neck. Your hand slides up to lay flat against his chest, and you can feel the soft rumble beneath his skin. Something about the sound sends a wave of calm through you, the volume crescendoing and quieting subtly as Jack breathes in and out. 

Slowly you find your own breathing leveling out as well, allowing yourself a few purposeful, deep inhales that enter through your nose and leave through your mouth. Jack’s hand moves from your arm to your back, scratching up and down slowly and being careful not to hurt you with his razor like nails. 

You pull away from Jack for a moment to slide down, resting your head against his chest and feeling the vibrations of his purr against your temple. You know he doesn’t have a heartbeat—not anymore—but you could almost swear you hear a few thumps behind his ribs. 

Your eyelids begin to flutter when Jack affectionately strokes the back of your head. His hands are so massive they nearly engulf your skull, and yet you can’t help but be reminded of how safe you feel in his arms. Every little thing he does reminds you.

The caution he uses with each move is subtle enough that only you would ever see it; it shows you that he knows his strength, and that he’d never risk hurting you in even a minor way. He’s not warm like a human would be, but he’s been more than effective at calming your shivering body. He smells like your freshly cleaned sheets and the pine trees surrounding your cabin in all directions, with a hint of the dirt that never seems to fully wash out. 

Small things. Mundane things. And yet, they spoke volumes of Jack’s feelings towards you. 

In the arms of no other would you ever feel so welcomed. 

You lay there together for such a long while that Jack doesn’t even realize you’ve fallen asleep until he looks down at you again. He’s not sure how long your eyes have been shut, but he can tell you’re sleeping well. You probably needed it. He wouldn’t be surprised if your stress was taking time from your rest. 

He adjusts his position just a bit, making sure he’s comfortable before deciding he may as well catch some shut eye too. He plants a lingering kiss on your forehead before tightening his hold on you just a bit, and before he falls asleep there is one last thought that rings in his mind: 

There was a time when he thought he’d never be able to have this. There was a time when he was convinced he would simply have to tough it out on his own until his last day. The idea that he ever believed such a thing is almost surreal as he lays here with you, his precious human, his mate. 

Jack could gladly spend the rest of his life in this quaint little cabin with you, and he wouldn’t hesitate to say he was perfectly fulfilled. 

[ravenmichaelisstuff]

I think A LOT about Soap trying to give back the childhood Ghost lost. (Part 7)

"Better late than never" part 7

Prompt from @cthulhusstepmom <3

Soap and Gaz were sent on a supply run, with lists of things people wanted or were running low on. For Soap, it was nice to get off the base for a little bit and breathe some civilian air even if technically still on the job. Gaz on the other hand was grumpy the whole way to the store, bitching about skipping his training for this.

When they got to the store they decided to split the lists between themselves, so searching for the unnecessary specific things could go faster. Soap got Konig’s list but Garrick also made him take Ghost’s.

“Last time I got him the wrong kind of tea and I swear he is  been drilling a hole in my head with his eyes ever since.” He explained, pushing the list into Soap’s hands. “You probably have it memorized with the frequency you make him his tea.”

Soap chuckled. “Yeah… Yorkshire Gold Black Tea, one and a half teaspoons of sugar, and you are not supposed to take out the tea bag. That dafty’s tea looks like it’s coffee, probably tastes like it too.” He recited not even looking at the list. Gaz looked at him with a knowing smirk. “And God was it a challenge to figure out how he likes it, whenever I asked him he would just ignore me. I had to figure it out myself through trial and error.”

“You are obsessed.”

“I just care about my friends.”

Gaz crossed his arms. “Yeah? What’s my favorite snack?”

“Resees.” Soap mimicked Gaz’s stance.

Gaz softened- Soap did remember.

“And Price likes green onion Lay’s because he is basic, Konig likes chocolate with raisins- which is just ‘ew’, Ghost likes skittles but specifically the tropical ones and if you want to test me I also know Rudy’s and Alejandro’s.” Soap smiled. “I pay attention.”

And that made Gaz feel bad for daunting the Scot, how could he when he was the most fucking caring person on the planet.

“Yeah, ok. Now I know. Won’t doubt you anymore.”

Soap punched him lightly in the chest and walked away to start their shopping.

********

He took care of his things first, then Kónigs. When it came to Ghost he looked at the list and grimaced. There were only two things on the list: tea and cigs. And Soap knew that the lieutenant was missing a whole lot more.

So yeah- Soap grabbed him the tea and the cigarettes but also whole grain bread because he saw him making sandwiches with a toast bread in the morning, which he knew he hated. He got him some good ham because the one always available at the base didn’t even stand next to real meat. He got him some baby carrots since Ghost enjoyed them and then Skittles. If Ghost makes him pay for all of that from his pocket- that’s ok. If Ghost doesn’t know how to ask for things, Soap will figure it out on his own and pay for it in the process.

Soap was heading for the checkout when he saw it- the last one on the shelf, a pure black plushie of a moth man. He went to touch it and- oh, it was so soft that he hugged it immediately. He had to get it. He snatched it and went to pay for everything, Taking the opportunity that Gaz was still searching for things he hid the plushie on the bottom of Ghost’s bag.

*****

When they got back on base Soap and Gaz went their separate ways to deliver the groceries. When he went to open Ghost’s door they were locked- weird. He usually left them open. He knocked and was met with silence.

“Ghost it’s me! Soap!” 

“Our lone wolf went on a mission.”

Price showed up in the corridor and explained, patting Soap on the shoulder when passing.

“Alone?” Soap was already annoyed, he will have a talk with his officer about his way to frequent solo missions.

“You know him, son. Just leave the bag under his doors, no one here hates life enough to take it from here.”

Soap sighed and left the bag.

******

Ghost was exhausted when he came back, it was the middle of the night and all he wanted was to smoke a cig and go lie down. So when he reached his room his already pulsing migraine got even worse. He asked for two things, but under his door was a bag filled to the brim with things. They had to confuse the bags. He took it anyway with an exasperated huff.

He entered his room and tossed the bag on his desk. He stripped down from his gear and got into some comfy, worn-down sweats. 

Everything was fucking killing him, he was sore all over and all he could think of were things he could do better on the mission, everything that he fucked up. He wished he had the balls to go to Soap’s room right now, the sheer presence of the energetic man would calm his screaming mind. But he was a coward, so all he could so is smoke.

Now even that wasn’t available.

He looked at the paper bag on his desk- maybe there were some cigs there. Whoever’s this is, won't mind if one goes missing. Ghost looked inside the bag and was surprised to find his favorite tea and cigs right on top. His brows scrunched in confusion, but then he remembered who got sent on the supply run- Johnny. 

“He really can not just do what I ask for, huh?” He muttered to himself and sat at his desk wanting to check out the contents of the bag, cigarettes forgotten. He couldn't help but smile to himself when he saw skittles- he would never ask for them but of course, Soap knew him better than that.

Ghost went to fish out the baby carrots he noticed, but his hand brushed something soft. He got goosebumps at the unexpected texture. He grabbed it. A very nice, fluffy plushie stared right back at him. ‘A bomb?’ passed his mind but he quickly squashed that thought. It wouldn’t be unusual for Soap to put explosives in weird places, but Ghost believed that he would never threaten him with one of his creations.

He hesitantly caressed the weirdly shaped plushie, he would even say it could look quite disturbing to some people. But for him, the plush’s red eyes were quite amusing. The fur was soft and pleasant to touch, which was new because usually, that kind of fabric made his skin crawl. 

Ghost looked around the room like somehow there were supposed to be people looking at him, judging him. But the only person judging him looked at him from the mirror, Ghost judged Simon for what he was about to do, for his stupid childish desires. Ghost would ignore the plushie, toss it away or give it back to Soap but the plush was for Simon and he knew it. Simon hugged the plush creature.

And ‘oh’ it smelled faintly like Johnny- gunpowder, his grandma's ‘healing’ herbal tincture, and the stupid fucking AXE deodorant. Johnny.

Ghost got into his bed, plushie hugged flush to his chest, nose buried in its fur. He slept peacefully that night.

REALLY enjoyed writing this, hope you all like it all the same <3 I love reading your thoughts on those! I am afraid that in some time the updates will slow down as my winter break will come to end and I will have to focus on my A-levels, but I will try to stay consistent <3 Sorry.

[thesillyvivi]

i made a post asking if u guys would like my oc being a failed eva/trish thingy (would it be eva or trish i still dont know) and i think yall did and i did say if enough people liked it i would make a post going a bit more into it. yeah. something like that. anyway this is thay post

be warned this is one of the few times ive decided to write out oc lore n stuaff so it migjt be a little sloppy. a bit bad. im not a professional at this sort of thing. we ball

ok yap time

so the whole idea was that Liniyal (the dmc oc in question) was like. a proto trish i guess u could say???? that eventually escapes mallet island and tries to live a normal life. or as normal as she can all things considered

how she escapes i havent really figured out yet. i think during the collapse would make tje most sene but thats as far as that goes. i heard that trish and dante got there by boat so maybe she made her own little makeshift boat and skedaddled??? who knows. but she Gets Out

the only reason why mundus even keeps her long enough that she manages to escape is that he wanted to punish her failure (even if technically he was the one that failed) by keeping her locked up and showing her what she couldve been and what she couldve done when he finally creates the perfect one aka trish. its like when a parent says "you should/could be more like (person)" but way worse if that makes sense

so then dmc1 happens and all the while liniyal is like somewhere just kinda trapped and then mundus is defeated and shes able to be set free since his magic stuff was beung used to keep her locked up and since hes like gone? probably? it would kinda just disappear. you know??.????

so yada yada she escapes and arrives to main land and the immediate first thing she wants to do is remove or cover anything that reminds her of what she is. basically starting a new life or at least trying to

its like a V situation where she has to go around stealing stuff and hunting demons 4 food (since i think he does that in vov) at first she probably has the mosy horrendous fashion taste but for like 95% of her life she WAS naked so u cant blame her too much. she does get better eventually i hopr

ive yet to decide whether or not i want to give her a buddy who like helps her w everythinf because while i do think it would be nice idk if id want to make it a canon character and if not that would mean id have to make up a whole new character and i just Dont Know how to go about that. maybe i can jusg say there was some guy and you can put your own interpetations on em if u wanted

also still thinkimg about when she would actually appear in "canon" either during dmc4 or dmc5. not sure when in dmc4 but for 5 i thought about maybe her firsy appearence would be in the far background when nero is fightinf (checks notes) artemis kinda like how in the one dmc4 cutscene you can see dante just chilling while neros kicking ass

and then her like meeting appearence if that also makes sense would be when V or nero come across a later boss (still on surface or when v is in the queen empusa area) and she gets like whacked so one of em decides they gotta like help??? and soon enough she'll be bavk on her feet and syart fighting alongside em and be like a companion. dont know where to go after that though

i 100% do think that if she were to ever meet trish it would be AWKWARD. even if trish wouldnt know her (another thing i havent decided on. that comes up a lot in here) she would know trish and just feel all weird aroun her because. You Know

and i think? thats all i can think off the top of my head????? it is fsirly late when im writing this so idk i might be too tired to remember anything else that would be important

i hope this isnt a let down like i said im not very good this sort of thing. at some point i think im gonna make a ref that has liniyal, trish, and eva to likr compare them and see how liniyal was considered a failure. and thrn also her weapon and yada yada

if anyone has any suggestions or questions or corrections u wanna make feel free to reblog or senf me an ask i am open to Everything

okauy. goodnight

[story-island]

Stitches and Scars (Simon Riley X Fem Reader)

A/N: Hey guys, hope everyone is doing well this wonderful day! I know this one is on the serious side here compared to some of my other Fics, but I still wanted to put this out into the world in case anyone can benefit from it.

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley X Fem Reader (Technically platonic, but leaning to more near the end)

Summary: Your out in the field and you get shot in the thigh, its bad. Simon sees you have Self Harm wounds when helping with the bullet wound. Leads to some soft Simon, he's pretty gentle in this one.

Warnings: Bullet Wounds!, Mentions/ Descriptions of Self Harm!, Mentions of Blood and Gore!, Simon stitching up wounds.

DO NOT READ IF SENSITIVE TO SELF HARM!

Word Count: 2.1K

Bullets flew every time the 141 went on a mission, normally it was enemies' droppings, but occasionally one of your own got hit. This time it was you. You were in close range relying on your hand-to-hand combat training. The knowledge helped you put the sack of shit down, but not before he managed to shoot your thigh. It stung, as you noticed the damage, your adrenaline pumping even harder you managed to learn the bullet went straight through.

"I'm hit" you half growled over coms.

"How bad," Price's comforting voice asked.

"Can probably walk but it won't be easy." you managed, moving to a nearby wall to try and leverage yourself upright.

"I'll be right there" Ghost chimed in, but you could hear the stress in his voice.

Carefully, you tried to stand up, putting all your weight on your good leg. With some pain, you managed to get up, not before noticing how much blood you were losing.

Thinking quickly, you pulled off your belt to tie around your leg. It wouldn't be amazing, but it could work in a pinch, slowing the blood flow a small bit. Positioning the belt above the wounds you took a deep breath and pulled as tight as you could. At that moment you felt like lighting shot through your entire body, but you had to stay quiet, so you bit your tongue as you got the belt tied off.

Thankfully, the moment when you looked up, you saw a tall scary figure with the signature Ghost mask jogging towards you. Carefully to limped toward him, still using the wall to help support you.

"Got her, call for an evac Price" Ghost barked over coms, seeing your disheveled state.

"Don't Price, I'm good, can fix it at the safe house" you said, now staring down Ghost, warning him not to push it.

Sure, he was a scary man, but he knew damn well you could do some damage if you wanted to. Hell, he had seen it firsthand, the way you can take out men three times your size.

"You sure?" Price asked unknowing of what had happened between you and Ghost.

"Yes," you said sharply.

"Ok, off to the safe house you two, we can finish this up and meet you there" Price ordered before going quiet again.

Ghost was obviously upset you didn't take the evac but nonetheless, the best you could do was find a vehicle and get the fuck out of the warzone. You spotted a truck fast, and Ghost helped you into the passenger side before hot wiring it.

Speeding off you couldn't ignore the pain you were feeling. Walking was a bitch and a half, but now it was getting worse. The bumpy road mixed with the wearing off of adrenaline made your entire leg feel like it was on fire. You were hot all over from the pain, and your face flushed as you made faces to avoid screaming out.

As Ghost drove, he couldn't help but stay silent, obviously upset that you were in pain. He watched both the road and you. Noticing how you pulled up your gear to tear some of your shirt off to shove in your wounds. Trying ever so desperately to stop the bleeding and the pain.

When you did that, you were deep in your own world, finally looking at the damage. You saw what you didn't want to see, the scars, some new, some old, some newly reopened. The secret you had kept to yourself so well, the self-harm, it would be no more after tonight. Ghost would see them, and you didn't know what he would do or say. So as much as it hurt, a chunk of you didn't want to make it to safety.

After what felt like both an eternity and the shortest ride of your life you made it to the safe house. Were you ready? No. But all you could do was move forward. As soon as the vehicle stopped your big teammate was out and opening your truck door. Before you could say a word, Ghost moved to pick you up.

Ever so gently, he held you bridal style, carrying you through the front door and into the building. It felt too nice, in his comfortingly strong arms. Sadly, the moment was short-lived as he placed you on the couch before running off to go get some medical supplies.

As Ghost looked for things, you managed to get your boots and heavy gear off without too much extra pain. You understood that you were going to have to take your pants off, it was embarrassing for multiple reasons, but you had to. So, when he finally came back with some things you chose to speak.

"Ghost, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone" you almost warned, looking into his eyes, as he knelt in front of you.

He didn't understand, but he cautiously nodded his head. Ghost would understand in a moment, so undoing the belt on your leg you adjusted to pull your pants off. Quickly Ghost moved to help you, seeing the pain flash across your face. As he pulled your pants the rest of the way off, he saw them.

Noticing your thighs, he saw so many lines scratched across your gorgeous skin. Old scars that had healed to small marks, that were covered by newer, fresher scars, even seeing that some were reopened by the bullet. He didn't say a word, but he suddenly felt so bad that no one was there to help you.

"I'm not weak," you said, but your voice betrayed you, cracking, halfway through speaking.

Ghost looked up to see your glassy eyes, his heart broke at the sight.

"I never thought you were" was all he managed to say, but it was enough for you.

The two of you shared a moment, eyes locked, suddenly understanding that Ghost would keep your secret. He looked like he desperately wanted to help, and for now, you have to let him. Hopefully, it would lead you down a good path.

So, as you were now ready to get your wounds cleaned, Ghost handed you some water and pills.

"They won't kick in for the stitching, but you probably want to take them anyways." He explained.

Giving him a small nod you threw the pills back, swallowed, and looked back to Ghost. Throwing a thumbs up, he got to work. Cleaning the wound hurt but he did it fast and thoroughly. The first sting was the worst but after that, it became slightly more manageable.

When he decided it was clean enough, he picked up a needle and surgical thread. He looked up, warning you without words that this would hurt. You got the idea and grabbed for the belt you had thrown to the side. This time folding it up and placing it in your mouth. Leaning against the back of the couch you closed your eyes. Ghost took the moment of distraction to start stitching.

White hot searing pain rocketed through your body, causing you to bite down hard, as tears formed and fell down your cheeks. Ghost didn't stop, knowing if he did, he wouldn't be able to finish.

The belt fell from your mouth as both of you had made it through the painfully long minute, ready for a short break before he had to get the exit wound. Ghost had noticed how the bullet went through and he thought that it was close enough to the edge of your leg that it could almost have been a deep graze if you had moved a centimeter or two.

"Time for the other side I guess" you managed with a scratchy, broken voice.

"Give yourself a minute" Ghost soothed.

Taking in a few breaths you waited about fifteen seconds before attempting to move, gritting through the pain of moving. Ghost immediately moved to help you, positioning you on your stomach to give him the best access to the other wound. It gave him a pretty good view of your ass as well, but he wasn't so vain as to joke about that now.

Ghost got back to work, repeating the process again, cleaning the wound thoroughly but fast. When his large hands pulled away, you knew the needle was next, moving to grab the belt again to help aid the intense waves of pain washing over you. It was over faster than the first one, but the first pierce of the needle shocked you harder this time around.

When it was all said and done, Ghost helped you move again. Getting you to a spot where he could apply some gauze and topical antibiotics he had found. Then he moved to wrap your leg, his fingertips gently falling on your skin as he layered the bandage. You were still in pain, but his touch felt too good to ignore. Being in the military often meant you went touch starved for extended periods, but he was so gentle with you.

Your dirty pants came next, but thankfully you managed to find something else to wear in some abandoned dresser drawer in the bedroom down the hall. A pair of old Loony Toons sweatpants were better than your dirty gear.

Suddenly you were sucked back to the harsh reality though; Ghost hadn't said a single thing about your scars yet. You didn't know if he would say anything at all, but the thought was terrifying.

In truth, you wanted to stop hurting yourself, but it was a hard thing to do, the pain had provided you the release you needed sometimes. When your emotions were too hard to handle, it was your coping mechanism for all of the tragedies you deal with. You were trapped in a circle, and it was easier said than done to stop hurting yourself, but would he call you on it? As you were deep in your mind, sitting on the bed next to Ghost, he finally said something.

"Hey . . .you know I care about you," he said unsurely.

"I mean yeah, hard to tell sometimes, but yes" you scratched out, as you were yanked from your thoughts.

"Not my point . . .If you ever feel like . . . like hurting yourself I want you to come to me" he said carefully, holding your eyes captive to read your reactions to his words.

"Ghost" you whispered

"Please" He practically begged.

"Ok" you agreed, unable to deny the man who had just pretty much saved your life. Your affinity for the man simultaneously saving and dooming you at this moment.

"Thank you," he said, placing a large hand on your uninjured leg.

Finally feeling the meds kick in you started to get really sleepy. Feeling a sort of drowsy high creep up you, you craved warmth and blankets.

"Simon, can you help me under the blankets?" you asked before realizing your mistake "Shit! I meant Ghost."

Chuckling, he moved to pick you up from the foot of the bed, taking two big steps, then placing you back down on the bed.

"Simon's just fine sweetheart, but only when it's just us," he said as he pulled the blankets on top of you.

Taking a moment to stabilize your injured leg with extra pillows, Ghost seemed to linger for a moment.

"You going to be alright?" he asked, now that you were laying comfortably.

"Yeah, I think I'll be ok Simon, thank you" you spoke, watching Ghost's eyes.

"Mhm," he grunted "I should go watch for the team; they'll be back soon" as he moved towards the door of the bedroom.

"Umm, can you wait in here?" you asked before he could fully leave, assuming even he wanted to stay a little longer, even if just to watch over you.

"Sure" he responded, pulling a chair from the corner of the room to sit near the bed.

"Get comfy then, it'll be a long night," you said.

And a long night it was, for Simon at least. You passed out in no time, between pure exhaustion and the pain killers there was no energy left in your body. So, Simon sat there and watched, making sure your leg never moved too much, as well as keeping an eye out for the guys.

The rest of the team showed up with a good report, not ten minutes after you passed out. He updated them before resigning back to the bedroom you were sleeping in. There was one point in the night as he watched when you reached out for something, and he willingly gave you, his hand. Your sleeping form loved it, taking his hand and pulling it close to you. The small action made Simon smile under his mask, appreciating the little moment, hoping that he could help you in some way that no one had yet.

[misc-obeyme]

Hi CC it’s 🫖o( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ ) back again to ramble. Here’s my ramble for the day.

What niche crafts/artforms would the brothers do?

- Lucifer

Paper mache if not origami. Like he does so much paperwork there’s no way all of it needs to be kept. So I can easily see him putting that paper to good use. These crafts are also very technical at times which I feel he’d take pride in the fact that he’s able to do these crafts well (because of course he’s able to do them well). He definitely likes gifting these to his brothers on special occasions. He also makes small gifts that he gives to beloved bf Diavolo daily. (Dia keeps them all would probably have an entire display for them too)

- Mammon

Diamond painting. I mean I feel it’s rather obvious why he’d like it it’s inherently a shiny✨ craft. Though while he likes the craft it would take a long time for him to actually complete one, because while he loves it diamond painting is very tedious and time consuming. Even more so if you’re just using a diamond painting pen that can only pick up one at a time. And Mammon.. I don’t imagine him to have the patience to sit down and work on it for more than half an hour. Except him to pick one up and have complete months later.

- Levi

Now the obvious answer here is to say cosplaying but I don’t like obvious so I’m going with ✨Perler Beads✨. Now I’m very aware that people will have never heard of this before so allow me to explain. Perler beads are small plastic beads that you place on a pegboard and from there you can create designs. Once you have your pixel art esk design you can use an iron to melt the beads together and voila! You now have a plastic design that you can use for various things like decoration, you can hot glue on magnets and have custom magnets, they can even be coasters, jewelry, and if your ambitious enough you can make 3D designs. There’s many options.

(Can you tell this one of my special interests🧍‍♀️? No I don’t have 175k+ plus unused beads all organized by colour. and no I don’t have 4 big pegboards and about a dozen smaller pegboards. No I don’t have multiple drawers filled with completed items-)

Oh wow we’ve made it back to Levi hooray! ٩( ᐛ )و( I promise I love Levi he’s my favourite character by far! I relate to him so much but that’s fairly obvious if the info dumping is anything to go by..)

Back on topic Levi would make perler beads because you can easily make your own merch with it! He probably would have so many Hana Ruri’s around and he definitely makes his own designs. And he would totally spend hours creating 3D perler figures of his favourite characters. Like Lucifer I can imagine him making gifts for his brothers out of perlers I mean it doesn’t take much time to make a small to mid size piece so he could easily make meaningful gifts of things his brothers like without much effort.

- Satan

Now I’m unsure how exactly to classify it exactly..DIY Miniatures maybe? But what I’m talking about is these pre made sets that use wood, paper, glue, etc to create pretty decorative pieces. To be even more specific the things I have in mind are stuff sold by this one company Rolife. Anyways I feel Satan would definitely like making these especially the book nooks so he can display them in his room. They’re the perfect craft for him to sit down with and listen to audiobooks whilst he builds. I can imagine this also being a way he uses to calm himself down if he isn’t in the break stuff rage.

- Asmo

Ok ok correct me if I’m wrong but is crochet considered niche? Welp if it is oh well but I feel crocheting clothes is probably more niche. Asmo would 100% crochet clothes for himself I mean have you seen crocheted tops they’re so cute!! He’s totally rocking stuff he’s made and he’s probably constantly scouring Etsy for more patterns he can make. He’d totally have lives where he just chats with his fans while he crochets. Not to mention he’d be selling a few and every time he puts up a new item it’s sold out immediately I mean who wouldn’t want something hand crafted by his gorgeous self.

- Beel

Now Beel caused me the most trouble since doesn’t really seem like the type that would into crafts or art really. But I can see him doing tattoos. Now my sole reasoning behind this is the tattoo he has in his human world outfit. And for that I headcannon he has more that he’s done on himself. Another headcannon I’ll throw in is that in his true form he has four arms and so yeah all four arms are covered in tattoos and he has more around his body. Like you can’t tell me that that would be so cool and intimidating that his true form has lots of tattoos littering his body! Finally of course Belphie lets Beel use him as practice as he sleeps.

- Belphie

Similar to Beel Belphie gave me some difficulty because um he’d rather sleep let’s be honest. But if I had to choose he’d make dreamcatchers. Now I personally have never done this myself or have looked into so I can’t speak much on the process. But it seems like something Belphie can easily pick start and stop if he chooses to take a nap midway. Belphie has also definitely made some that are cursed and gives people nightmares and stores them to replay whilst the person is awake because he’s just silly goofy like that ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪.

Aha finished!

These rambles keep getting longer- ah it’s fine. Thanks for reading yet again and I’m going to finish my ideas for the road trip thing I wrote! Eventually.. Anyways stay safe and make sure to take care of yourself ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ byeee!

- 🫖o( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ )

Welcome back!

I have to say that I fully agree with all of these! I've seen that Asmo is sometimes headcanoned as a crocheter which I think is really great! It makes sense to me that he'd crochet his own clothes. I wonder if he ever decided to try knitting, too. It's more annoying imo, but you can get a nice fabric from it, too.

I also agree that Mammon's patience is limited and it would take him FOREVER to finish anything lol!

I can see Belphie giving Lucifer a cursed dreamcatcher as a prank, too. Of course Lucifer realizes immediately and removes the curse.

I am HERE for tattooed Beel! And multi armed Beel, too!! I looove when characters have extra arms omg.

Okay I want to make a book nook SO BAD. Me and Satan, just doing all the lil miniatures. I just can't decide which one I wanna do there are so many. But I think a book nook would look so good on my bookshelves~

I am not super familiar with perler beads, but that does sound like something Levi would be into! Especially if you can make stuff that looks like pixel art, I kinda see him making all his favorite old school video game characters and such too...

Of course Lucifer would be origami. Elegant, but complex - just like him. Awww Dia keeping them all they're so precious!

I enjoyed your thoughts immensely, please feel free to bring me more! I like to see what other people think when it comes to headcanons like this!

I hope you're having a lovely day!

[larryrickard]

trauma from performing cpr

i don't even know if i want to post this here, but whatever. i'm trying to talk about it to bring awareness and to process shit. i'm finding surprisingly little about this. it's also been a hell of a fucking week and i'm worried for my own health tbh. i've written shorter versions of this on fb & ig but i should probably get ALL of it out and well hello tumblr, you have the room for it and are technically a blogging site. so here we go. if you read all of this, bless.

thursday 07/11, my stepdad (R) feels unwell and my mom, as symptoms begin to stack up, suspects a heart attack and takes him to the hospital. he is indeed having a heart attack. he never lost consciousness. he's transferred to another hospital and has two stents placed.

sunday, 07/14, he comes home.

friday evening, 07/19, one of the stents fails (we won't know this until later). he immediately lost consciousness. i overhear my mom ask if he's ok, if it hurts, and "i'm calling 911". she yells for me. i go downstairs to hear her telling 911 that he's not breathing properly, she can't tell if he has a pulse, and that he's turning purple. my brain immediately goes into overdrive. all i can think about is how we need to perform cpr (my mom panicked and hadn't even thought of that and this upset her. i pointed out that it's understandable, and the 911 operator would have gotten her there, i probably only just beat them to it). i run to unlock the door for emergency services and when i come back, we manage to get him out of his chair and i start cpr (more about that later). my mom eventually had to take over. thankfully shortly after that, EMTs/fire arrive. at one point my mom counted nine of them, plus the two cops who showed up. they work on him for what i initially thought was like 30 minutes but was more like an hour. they finally get him stable enough to be able to transport him to the nearest hospital with a cath lab and availability.

between here at the house and at the hospital, they'd shocked him at least eight times. he was very unwell. i stayed behind, as did three EMTs. i figured they'd just collect sharps/biohazard stuff and be on their way. i was fully expecting to clean the rest up myself, and to put back all the furniture we'd moved (getting him out of his chair, moving stuff out of the way so it was easier to get him out on the stretcher). but no, they grabbed everything they could, and put the furniture back. i knew, if i were them, i'd have done the same thing and not thought anything of it. but it was just such a small gesture that really got to me and meant so much.

i'd called his sister (N) and my mom's sister (B). so my mom at least had B, N and her husband (R2), and one of their daughters (N2), who is a nurse. (wildly, my mom's niece (B2) is also a nurse and they attempted to call her in to help but she said no, that was her uncle, and obviously was immediately disqualified from the rotation.) he's so unwell that N tells my mom that if she wants to take R off life support, it's her decision and N fully supports her. shortly after, one of the doctors comes out and says R has improved slightly and said he was following instructions. we (doctors + family) had been worried the lack of consistent blood/oxygen flow would have left him with severe brain damage and/or damaged organs/extremities.

my mom (and N2?) go to see him. she talked to him, and he would try to pull out his ETT (breathing) tube. my mom would gently guide his hand down, and tell him no, that it's okay, just try to breathe normally, don't fight it. at that point he got tears in his eyes. eventually, B, N & R2, and N2 made my mom go home to try and get some sort of rest.

saturday, 07/20 at 3:30am, the doctor calls to say R is stable but obviously in v critical condition. they have some sort of pump on him to help his heart, but it's too small for his height/weight, so they want to put a larger one on him. they're going to transfer him to another hospital who has one.

my mom and i manage to get a few hours of sleep. my mom and i talk some in the AM. we have no idea if he's going to get any better. and if he does, we have no idea who he is going to be if he does. i ask if he has a living will, and my mom didn't think so. we talk about how, knowing him, he probably wouldn't want to be kept alive if there'd be no good quality of life. she was thinking she'd tell the doctors not to save him if he codes again. out of curiosity, she goes looking for his will and finds he has a living will (that's like 15 years old so no wonder she forgot), which confirms what we were thinking. that removes any doubt my mom might have had should she do those things. she later felt bad that she'd allowed him to be saved at all at the hospital (the heart pump thing) and i told her what did she think R would have done if it was her. or any other pair of loved ones. immediately go looking for a living will, or follow them to the hospital and ask that they be saved? of course it's going to be the latter.

a doctor calls and talks about wanting to try to get R onto ecmo, so that his heart can have a rest. the right side of his heart was now damaged as well, and the doctor was hoping that if they could do this procedure for at least 3-5 days, his heart might get precious rest and it'll profuse blood through all his body instead of the smaller pump that couldn't fully do that. it would also give them an opportunity to see if there was any organ damage. they might even know sooner than that.

they had to sedate him because he kept trying to pull out the tubes again. given that he was still following instructions and seemed to have heard her the day before, my mom had a hard time trying to decide whether or not to do the procedure and how best to honor his wishes. we decided to go ahead and give this a try. it'll give us answers, and we can go from there. we'd only be keeping him to see if there really is anything TO be kept. my mom tells the doctors if he codes again to withhold life-saving measures.

my mom and B go to see him. i didn't want to see him like that. especially after having to see him like i did the day before, and the trauma i'd experienced (again, more on that later).

my mom and B come home around 3:30pm. obviously, this is not a good sign. i know it has to mean he's gone. they confirm he is. that they tried to get him onto ecmo, but his heart started going crazy. the doctors believed so much that ecmo could help, that they performed some cpr to try and get him onto the machine. after several minutes, they stopped.

as with many deaths, it didn't feel real. he was feeling fine. there were no symptoms that something was wrong. he was just... out, and then there was a sliver of a sliver of hope that i was doing my very best to not think about (though i did have the thought of telling him he owed me, for the cpr, as a joke).

before he died, one of the doctors told my mom that we saved his life. if we hadn't performed cpr, EMTs would have had nothing to work with. that even if he didn't survive this, we gave him the chance TO survive it. this took a huge weight off my shoulders. i literally felt lighter. various people i talked to about it called me amazing. brave. badass. someone even said i was "heroic". that's not how i feel. i'm fucking traumatised. even over a week later. thankfully, i knew, going into cpr, that breaking ribs was a big probability. i'm glad my brain reminded me of that beforehand and not as i did it. i've also since learned usually it's more like separating cartilage from the sternum, but going by the sounds, and the feeling... at least one rib was broken. most likely multiple. also possibly just reinjuring one. it was horrible. i obviously kept going because i know a sore chest is better than being dead. he occasionally gasped for breath, which in the moment was comforting because it meant i was doing it right. but the whole thing will not leave my mind.

cpr is as exhausting as they say it is, but thankfully adrenaline helps with that. i had to stop and let my mom step in. i literally fell over and almost fainted, i was so woozy. i hadn't been paying attention to my own breathing. probably not enough and probably breathing too quickly. i was sore as fuck for about two days.

i called a crisis line that night in order to get help until i could see my psychiatrist. i needed something to help me with the thoughts. immediately after EMTs/fire arrived and took over CPR i literally thought "i hope i don't get ptsd from this" lol.

(i will say, i did get to see a lucas device in action. these are amazing machines that perform chest compressions for the EMTs to free them up to do other important life-saving techniques, as well as save them from the exhaustion. it's also more accurate than a human. seriously, look them up.)

the crisis line gave me the advice of: let the thoughts happen. they're obviously going to. it's me and my brain's way of processing everything. but, to then let them go. i asked what did they mean by this. they said think of something else, distract myself. don't focus on the thoughts or let myself spiral. easier said than done, obviously, but it did give me some sense of control. i couldn't control those thoughts, but i could do my very best to control the next one.

the day R collapsed, five hours before that i'd had a regular appt with my psychiatrist and told her what had happened and that he was doing fine. lol. thankfully, i was able to see her on monday 07/22. then...

that night, around 9:30 my mom called me downstairs to tell me she was feeling dizzy and that her blood pressure kept going up. she'd taken baby aspirin. she had me get her blood pressure medication so she could take it a few hours early. i made her drink some water because she hadn't had very much, and had coffee that morning (which dehydrates you), and figured she was just dehydrated but what with everything that R had gone through, we were both hyper-aware of possible signs, and wanted to be sure. so i took her to the hospital. her EKG came back fine but they did blood work, and some protein or enzyme or whatever that the heart releases when it's stressed (such as in a heart attack) was elevated so they had her hang out in a room for a bit. they tested her for stroke just in case, as well as took her for a CT. her echocardiogram was fine. they decided to admit her, bc while that protein/enzyme was coming down, it was too high for their liking. they scheduled an MRI for the morning. i went home around 1am.

tuesday, 07/23, about 2am she called to tell me they were transferring her to another hospital that had better capabilities in terms of heart health. again, her EKGs came back fine, they did an angiogram and there's no blockages whatsoever. they suspected a slight heart attack from all the stress, but in the end (and after another echocardiogram), they declared her to be fine. broken heart syndrome. the heart was stressed and therefore tight, so they've given her meds to help relax the heart muscles so it can rest. she came home wendesday 07/24.

needless to say, i'm stressed as fuck. my psychiatrist sent in an rx for anxiety meds i hadn't needed in like 7 years. i was doing better until the whole thing with my mom. how the fuck it's been a week since R died i have no idea. thankfully i could take bereavement from work this week, and my boss is giving me monday off as well just to give me an extra day bc the added shit with my mom. i've also asked if i could be assigned to one of our service desks where it's easier to step away than the other two (unless the one has two of us at a time, which doesn't always happen). she's got that set up for me. i also have a follow-up with my psychiatrist on thursday. i was going to ask for leave long enough to meet via telehealth as usual but i forgot there's a staff meeting that day so my shift is scheduled earlier. she's booked our meeting room for me to use, and made sure the desk i'm on has someone else schedule on it at the same time so i can make sure i'm not late.

i'm worried about my own heart. even though my HR has come down while medicated, it was at/over 100bpm for about two days, then around 90 with meds, and then back to 100 with my mom. finally came back down to 90s, and with meds it's been around 80bpm which is at least close to normal. thankfully, when i'm asleep it's in the 60s like it should be. saturday evening it was more around 70s which is so much better. but i am also overweight. my cholesterol is occasionally slightly high, but not high enough for them to be worried at all, and my LDL is generally pretty good. i just worry that my heart is doing the same thing my mom's did. and, of course, worrying about all that does not help my HR.

anyway. i didn't have high opinions of the man, as he was ultraconservative (at least he hated trump...), which is why i've never been able to be out to my parents as queer (not-straight and nonbinary). but he has been in my life since i was 8 (i'm 41 now). i obviously had some love for the man. and i feel bad bc while it hit me that he was probably going to die, now that he's gone it's still just more of a disbelief that he's not going to be around anymore. that he's just. not here anymore.

and, all of that being said, do not let my trauma dissuade you from performing cpr. it's one of the most important life-saving techniques we have. get trained, even if just once. refresh yourself occasionally, keep up with any updates to it. for example, hands-only CPR is trained more now than including mouth to mouth. my two(?) trainings didn't prepare me for the broken ribs thing, they never mentioned it. thankfully, from what people are telling me, it is included in the training now. some training covers the guilt people might have if (when) that happens. but i just wish there was mention that you might need help afterward, especially if you have to perform cpr on someone you know. (the AHA finally recognised this ONLY TWO YEARS AGO.) maybe share some resources to help you. apparently some larger hospitals have support groups for this. also, to talk about it. even if you don't have a professional, just talking about it to people helps. and reduces the chances of ptsd. that these feelings do happen. unless you're in the medical field, your chances of having to perform cpr are very slim. actually saving a life is, unfortunately, even rarer (1 in 10 apparently). but YOU could be that person. you could save someone. you could give someone the opportunity to survive, the possibility of a second chance at life.

while this is a less-than-once-in-a-lifetime situation for a layperson, and i wouldn't wish performing cpr on anyone, PLEASE, attend training at least once and regularly refresh yourself. if you're employed or in school, you might be able to attend a training for free.

trauma aside for a moment. it's fucking wild knowing i saved a life, even though it didn't work out in the end. it's a strange feeling. i've been told i should be proud of myself. maybe i'll get there some day. idk.

[evenmoreofadisaster]

Regarding the last ask my interpretation of two and he and one’s very umm messy dynamic is that I don’t think two really would want to understand that one loves him. Like there’s huge messy mistakes and hurts caused by both side that make it hard for either one or two to understand love in general let alone acknowledge it.

But.

But. How I’m perceiving two in how he’s been presented to us is that even if it (one loving him) could be pointed out to him in a way he understands I think he’d refuse to acknowledge it because atm he holds so much resentment and bitterness and hate* towards one that having it pointed out that one loves him would not be something he could handled because then it would be like forcing him to realize the hurt he’s causing someone who loves him and it would force him to grapple with the fact that the feelings he holds for someone that loves him are not necessarily good or healthy and that in turn would probably make him feel flawed and like the monster the hidden city believes him to be and I don’t think he could handle those feelings and so he just…wouldn’t. He’d deny any evidence of one’s love solely so he didn’t have to deal with what it means and his own messy complicated feelings

(* when I say hate i don’t mean two hates one we know he loves him back but I mean like there is hate and it does get projected on one a little maybe but it’s more hate about the lack of respect and lack of equality and hatred of the situation and ranks and how one enforces it just as strongly as Draxum like I could see two saying he hates one but it’s misplaced it’s not actually hatred of his brother it’s more hatred of the messed up dynamic they have and since that was set up by Draxum it’s easier and safer to blame one then it would be the commander)

The flip side is I have a lot of thoughts about one on this too because he’s is obviously not like without his own set of issues and mistakes that he brings to the dysfunctional relationship between them but the ask was more about two so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ that’s my take on how twos being written so far and I could be way off so feel free to correct me if I’m wrong!

Anon I really like where your head is at. This actually made me think of some important things we have to figure out before s1 part 2

Ok so i really think you’re onto something. Two doesn’t understand that One loves him not because he hasn’t noticed but because he doesn’t know what it is. For Two, everything he and One do is a product of their mission and purpose as Draxum’s experiments. That’s his understanding and just generally how he sees his life, including his relationship with One. Here’s where it gets tricky. I know in the ask you’re referring to i said Two doesn’t understand that One loves him, and that’s true on a technical sense. I think on some level Two understands that One cares about him because Two cares about One too. As much hostility and mistrust as there is between them, theyre still very close. That relationship is just tainted by a lot of bitterness, so much so that I think Two has lost that feeling of caring and trust that they used to have as children, pre-rank. But he hasnt forgotten about it entirely. Its why one does what he does snd probably part of why two’s so angry all the time.

I love your thoughts on Two reacting to this all being spelled out to it bc, like I said, he doesnt’ actively recognize where One’s motives are coming from, since hes blinded by his anger rank and desperation/commitment to draxum’s mission. If he was told One loves him, itd probably come as a surprise. He wasn’t aware that could even HAPPEN. Two barely remembers behaving like a child and being so carefree, likely assumed that One shed the empty “brother” and “family” mindset like he had, and “woke up,” so to speak. But I actually think that realizing that would just make him angrier. How could One “love” him but still treat him as an inferior? He’d probably think of it as pathetic and weak and just an excuse or maybe simply dismiss it as not true. Underneath that, though, he’d probably panic a bit (fueling his anger), and yea maybe wondering why they’re so different, which honestly could either make him feel insecure or more isolated from One. But that side of it probably comes out in season 2 :)

Two and One’s relationship is super messy and it absolutely infuriates Two most of the time. I really loved hearing your thoughts they made me think a lot about Two’s internal feelings and thoughts :)

Also, we would love to hear about your thoughts on One, if you're willing to share!

[outer-spec]

OCtober 2024 ⭐ Day 4: Under-Appreciated OC

The first OC that comes to mind for this prompt is Juno, because she's supposed to be the main character, but I feel like she isn't as fleshed out as her friends. character traits that she has that i love:

does not give up, she will wear herself down to the point of exhaustion first

complex about trying to save/help as many people as possible, gets sad if she can't save someone

knows martial arts

she acts more chill and good-natured than Steve and Tora, who are really petty.

basically the caretaker of her friends, they go to her for advice, and she has to remind them to not do stupid shit.

usually shes the only sane man. but occasionally acts deranged. examples:

crazy determination, as previously stated

represses so much shit, to focus on fighting for the greater good

lowkey kind of a gun nut

every once in a while, the tables turn, and she does some stupid shit herself. and her friends have to step in for her. because thats what she did for them

attracted to stupid people

part of her arc is figuring out that her current boyfriend isn't right for her, and breaking up, and then getting a girlfriend.

so. much. angst.

i want her to be able to relax in the post canon. actually i want everyone to relax post canon. i think after you save an alternate version of earth, u should get paid at least enough to retire forever. i want them to be happy

also, if possible, id like to flesh out "Dale" more, and give him a different name. i want to also flesh out the other minor characters in hexagon. so far Dr. Moss, Terry, and Charlie all have their own toyhouse pages, but i have other vague ideas for background characters that i wanna make more concrete eventually.

anyway outside of hexagon, some other characters that should probably get fleshed out more:

the various ocs that i posted about on Day 2

Petra - shes part of her own fantasy world that i made ages ago but mostly forgot about

space robots - i love these guys so much!!! i feel like i should make a secret third space robot, like a dog that represents twilight

literally every other character in the untitled robot game (i ran out of character ideas)

since the alien cats are loosely based off of scientology lore. i think it would also be funny to base some of the robots off of lesswrong and e/acc ideas. im sorry, but cults have the best scifi worldbuilding.

ok but this is a bit of a random tangent but: scientology lore, especially the Xenu story, talks about powerful alien organizations that use psychological manipulation to oppress people. the church of scientology portrays itself as being the opposite of these organizations, but someone who is anti-scientology could also write about these organizations to make them allegories for the church. on a similar note you could also use the paperclip maximizer as a metaphor for big tech corporations that waste resources and hurt the environment. or use the ai box thought experiment as a metaphor for charismatic cult leaders.

also since my MCs are based off of vocaloids. i do plan to use vocaloid characters as inspo for some of the other characters, but not completely.

OCtober is by @bweirdart

(ps: i had a thing for day 3 all written out beforehand, but i forgot to post it cause i was so busy with schoolwork, so its under the cut)

OCtober 2024 Day 3: Old OC

technically i don't know who my oldest oc is, because ive literally been making up little guys in my head ever since I was capable of forming memories. but heres some honorable mentions:

when i was in ~5th grade i was obsessed with dragons, so i bugged my mom to sew me a dragon hoodie for halloween, and she did, and i had lots of fun. the dragon hoodie was so cool that in my head, i invented a story about girls wearing magical dragon & unicorn pajamas that turned them into those creatures in another world or something, i forget most of the details tho.

one time i was walking around the playground and talking to myself. and i came up with a story about dragon people living in this isolated town where nobody was allowed to leave. the town was ruled by this dragon named "Firelord" and it was surrounded by this huge ring of fire. some dragon kids escaped though, to figure out what was actually going on.

it turned out that Firelord was one of four quadruplets with magical powers, they were Earthlord, Waterlord, Firelord, and Airlord. but they had an evil younger brother named Hypnolord, who wanted to take over the world, and had everyone trapped in his evil skyscraper prison. So Firelord made the town where nobody is allowed to leave, to protect everybody. fortunately the dragon kids defeated Hypnolord, and saved the day.

i was really into legos and dragons. so for my birthday my mom went on ebay and bought a bunch of the baby norbert lego figure in different colors. while listening to music i imagined them in music videos in my head, eventually each figure had like. its own personality.

also when lego elves came out, i bought all of the lego elves dragon sets. and each of those baby dragons also got their own personality too.

I had this oc Max, who was a stupid teenage boy, and his little sister Megan was like this child genius. originally Max was supposed to be super depressed and edgy, but eventually evolved to be totally different.

Max and Meg weren't actually related. they were adopted by a talking cat that was their dad. the cat was british

also sometimes Megan had this other friend who was a child serial killer. she had the same black hat as that one xkcd character that has that hat, becuase theyre both eeeeevil.

i drew so much fanart of them, i cringe to remember what my art style was like then   

you can probably tell that i liked dragons as a child

[dedusmuln]

Hey what ocs do you have

YAAAAAAAY HI!!! ok so i have a . decent amount of ocs. but my most recent ones are my ace attorney oc, and my hylics ocs ^_^. I'm trying to work on ocs for an original story too, but those ones are highly in the works right now, unfortunately U_U this post got REALLY LONG , so i'm putting a read more on it!!! more oc info under there :-]

my ace attorney oc is Mirasol Armando, and she's the niece of Diego Armando . I'm forming a little backstory for her right now! the main idea for her was "wouldn't it be funny if phoenix had to face a girl who looks like both mia and diego combined?". she has a decent history of bad luck, and after getting kicked out from living with her parents' friends, she kinda has to fend for herself. she was planning to be a prosecutor, but after having a conversation with phoenix, she decides to become a defense attorney at his suggestion. the next time they meet again, she's actually graduated from law school!! yaaay!! i need to keep working on her but . I do plan to draw her soon my hylics ocs . i will admit they are less formed... two of them I have are actually named, the other i . don't . and i still want to make a fourth one after that. ludunsmde (pronounced loo-done-smeede) (they/them) is my splithead oc! as their name suggests, they are a sibling to dedusmuln and smuldunde. they're a traveling marine archaeologist by boat, who also finds themself fascinated by marine life time to time. gets easily distracted. if they were a playable character in the party, i think they'd be the hard hitter of the group, having a lot of power (similar to pongorma). i could see ludunsmde playing the bass, and also having interest in claves. i'm sure they'd play a handful of things. ludunsmde misses their family a lot, realizing that moving around so much is the one downside of travel. but they care about their work heavily, and are sure to plan visits time to time. oh yeah . as for physical appearance, they're taller than dedusmuln but shorter than smuldunde! their fur is a blueish color, with pink horns :-)

the next character (he/she) doesn't have a name yet . BUT! i've been calling him Imago for now in place. imago is the actual owner of the boat ludunsmde has been using ! she's a bit of a vagabond and travels pretty often , i'm not sure how she met ludunsmde , but they've been traveling with each other for a While. imago isn't specifically looking for anything, and having ludunsmde around for company is entertaining enough. they help with the heavy-lifting so he can't complain. i think imago is the healer of the party, not much of a fighter herself. i could see him playing the drums !!! kinda contradictory to his laid-back nature, but it's more of an outlet for emotions, since she's not much of a talker. imago is technically the 'leader' of the group but is the least talkative of the group. as for physical appearance, imago looks similar to somsnosa and instar ! is probably a bit shorter than them though. not exactly sure what her outfit would look like, but i'll figure that out eventually :-] ludunsmde and imago have a bit of a lgbt thing going on between them but idk what flavor yet my Third hylics oc is my wayne oc, named Absence (they/them). absence is a wayne that somehow managed to run away from training, and has been wandering around since then. absence does eventually stumble across imago and ludunsmde, and asks to join them on their journey. seeing someone so lost and confused, neither of the two really wanted to leave absence on their own, and let them join. absence is sort of just on a journey of self-discovery, trying to figure out who they are besides the life that they were supposed to live as a wayne. absence's name was suggested by ludunsmde after a long conversation about absence wanting to have their own name and own self, but not knowing what name would be right, feeling a lack of certainty. since there was an absent moon at the time, combined with their lack of choice, ludunsmde thought the name 'absence' would be fitting, and absence agreed. absence's fighting doesn't have anything specific, but they're relatively speedy, so they usually go first. absence is also , shockingly , the singer of the group. if they had to play an instrument i'd have to say electric guitar, like wayne. despite how different absence tries to be, they can't deny that electric guitars are cool as hell. as for physical appearance, absence dresses in a romantic-goth inspired fashion and also sports a full black outfit. they're also a bit shorter than some of the other waynes. absence has a relatively dramatic appearance, and that's on purpose. they have fun with it i also want to make a fourth hylics oc to complete the party, but i haven't chosen exactly what i want to do with them yet. i did think about making a poolmagne or a coutured oc but. im not sure yet. as for other ocs , i have some other ocs like Tango, Doe, Root, Narcissus, Lucas, Lucky, Eugene, Euadine, and . a lot of other ones !!!!! but i won't ramble about them because i've already talked a lot about these ones :-]

[weaponizedducks]

Hello! Your pinned post mentions The Shapeshifter books so 🫵 hi

Tell me about them. Who's your favourite character? What do you like about them?

(feel free to redeem this ask as a way to infodump if you want. license to yap)

omg hi hi!! i love you so much for asking this and im sorry for turning this ask into an infodump. definite spoilers for the shapeshifter below.

ok so my favourite character is lisa probably bc shes iconic and her instincts when something goes wrong is just to attack. either verbally or physically. also her backstory is so sad??? like she predicts someones about to die but she doesnt know thats what her visions mean (bc her visions are very cryptic and she was like 10 at the time) so she only realised when the girl died and then blamed herself?? like what??? these books are so dark for a kids series. i think she deserved a gun and also to say fuck. i really love her relationship with dax also theyre just so cute. like she'll by fully attacking someone and he's like :). isnt she so pretty :). theyre a bi4bi power couple i just know it.

also she fully had a doomed wlw situationship with mia and i fear we dont talk about it enough. mia was fully in love with her both before and after she went evil. like they very much gave cherik for a hot moment there. actually now that i'm thinking about it shapeshifters is very x men coded. so yeah im never getting over lisa and mia but i do love her and dax so im not mad.

MIA OH MY GOD. I LOVE MIA SO MUCH. never before has someone so deserved their villain arc. she's like morgana. i LOVED the subversion of her being the sweet healer-y type and then going batshit insane with her healer powers. like kinda using them for...nefarious purposes shall we say. she's still very sweet she's just very cunty and evil now.

i also love alice especially in the last book bc. shes just a kid. her mother's shit. stepmom neglected dax and smothered alice while never actuallly listening to her wants and needs. and their fathers never there. i wish we had gotten to see alice and dax bond more over their shitty parents. they could have been the best sibling duo. also shes badass and she would have loved wearing pink to see barbie (2023).

gideon for me is one of those characters who is so into women it just wraps around into him being gay. he's like lance mcclain to me. he deserved a boyfriend. also i think he's bi (i think everyone's bi. i don't think there's a single straight character in these books. minus mr grey). i love gideon he's so mecore. he's also traumatised!!! and he has a twin brother and an evil twin sister who's thirteen and ripped out her brother's tongue.

on the subject of gid's evil twin sister she is SUCH an interesting character to me. like obviously i hate catherine but she's so fascinating. her power means she can never stay with someone for too long or she'll end up killing them. she never has her own likes or hobbies or talents- she borrows someone elses because she feels herself isnt good enough. she crucified a man. she's killed three adoptive mothers. sort of on purpose. she just wants to be loved. she drowned an entire school with a massive tidal wave after leeching their powers. she was killed with fire. she was french for a while. she's perpetually thirteen years old.

i love the series as a whole but i think it had so much potential to be more. it was already pretty dark (windmill scene. need i say more) but it was technically a teen fantasy series, and i feel if they committed to a YA age rating and went all out with the horror and the very clear 'fuck the government' theme that was present throughout the whole series it could have been amazing. i have so many ideas for these books and what they could have done (note i love the books so much as they are but god. what we could have had if they weren't technically kids books).

also just realised i forgot to talk abt owen!!! gay father figure of our hearts. he accidentally adopts a bunch of motherless children and then he commits to it for the rest of his life. he canonically faked his death to live in a cave in spain with his superpowered male best friend. he's killed quite a few people.

this is the end of the Yap. in conclusion none of these characters are either normal or know how to function in society. i love these books. theyre like xmen and harry potter combined. but no jk rowling so win

[tacomedli]

rant abt writing and stuff

UUUUUUUUUUUGHHHGHGHGH

i love my book. i love the story i've created, the characters, the vision of it in my head, everything.

but my worldbuilding and plot and such have all changed so MUCH since i started writing it. i'm ok with that, since i have a better idea now of what i want the story to look like, and one day i'll probably go back and change a lot of things to make the cringey, confusing beginning flow a lot better.

here's the problem though:

i'm sharing this story with some irl friends as i write it. so they have to deal with this really shitty first draft that has me figuring things out as i go and changing the setting and time period and whether there's magical elements or not. because it was a modern time period at first! and now it's some weird dystopian steampunk something or other with a fashion style that i see very clearly in my head but i don't even know what year it's from! i see this world so well in my head but i don't know how to describe it in a way that i feel they'll understand! especially since it's changed throughout the story!

i really made this hard for myself. in some ways i wish i could go back now and get rid of some of the things that are bothering me and causing story problems, but that's also really intimidating to think about.

i know if i go back now i'll get all bogged down in the details, and i don't know if i can fully fix everything properly yet when i still don't know what i want the ending to be.

and i'm excited for where i am in the story. i've been on the cusp of these REALLY exciting plot points for so long, and now i'm finally, FINALLY starting to reach them! this is where the good stuff really starts! this is where i can start adding the scenes i wrote ahead of time months and months and even a year ago!

and i know the ones that care will stick with it, and honestly they're following along pretty well. i'm just ashamed at how much it feels like a jumbled mess. i feel like my stress is causing my writing quality to go way down, because the only way i can get myself to actually write is to say "it's okay, let the writing be shitty now, you can always go back and edit it later"

which is technically good advice in general for me, but lately i haven't been going back and editing it before i show it to my friends, so i just feel really bad. normally i love editing but with how jumbled my chapters have been lately (writing scenes out of order and trying to piece them back together, lines of dialogue i like too much and refuse to delete despite them causing problems, not knowing wtf im doing with this plot, etc) it's a nightmare just to think about, so i just. don't.

maybe i should slow down my update schedule. but i'm worried i'll be letting them down, even if only 1-2 reliably read it and leave comments anymore. i'm afraid that if i write completely at my own pace, i won't write at all. and besides, i NEED those few comments to keep me going. to remind me that someone else is actually interested in this book.

so i keep writing this way. "it's a mess right now, they're reading it as a mess right now, but one day, when it's finished, you'll go back and rewrite what you need too."

which is, like, fine. it doens't bother me TOO much, i think venting abt it helps a lot, but i really want to print a couple copies when this is done, but i dont wanna print the shitty version, i wanna print the fixed version. and im worried that i won't actually fix it bc i have at LEAST two other unrelated books that i've promised myself for literal years that i would finish/rewrite, and i think about those almost as much as this one, ie daily

so idk what will happen. i guess i'll cross that bridge when i come to it. anyway i hope i have the energy to edit this current chapter before i update bc my self imposed deadline is coming up very soon and this one's another mess lmao